让我们谈谈

Cheating or Growing Pains

Cheating Blog
Okay was driving as I recorded this but I had a hardcore spurt of anger and I decided to just get it out before I forgot it again so this is me typing out a voice memo…

So I was seeing this guy once, right. And you know when you first fall in love, how you are just head over heels? All you feel are butterflies and fuckin rainbows. This is your person and you are just blind to the rest of the world because you are so in your puppy love feels. You don’t even think about anyone else, why would you, because of how into this guy you are. We all feel that way right? Like it’s how normal people fall in love right?

Okay well this guy that I was seeing, he showed me all of that at the beginning. I mean I think we spent every waking second together, all ooy gooey romantic. Not going to lie, we were probably pretty nauseating to the people around us with how lovey dovey we were half the time. I mean the dude told me he loved me after like 3 weeks. He really reaaaaaallly made me believe that he was obsessed with me.

Well, the problem was, this guy was also obsessed with every other girl on the planet. I’m talking literally anything that had boobs and a vagina this man was in love with. And it’s not even that he would get physical with anyone, although he did but that’s a story for another day. It’s that he sought out constant attention from girls online. ALL THE GOD DAMN TIME! I mean Instagram, Snapchat, only fans, face time, literally anything you can think of to get girls online, this dude needed to have. He needed the constant validation from every female on the planet while simultaneously building a relationship with me. Obviously, at first, I was not aware of all these wonderful other females who were a part of my relationship. Little helpless romantic Kim over here thought she was just dating a normal guy.


Now here comes the real kicker, you ready?

When I caught this guy cheating on me he proceeded to tell me that this was just a growing pain… WHAT THE FUCK IS A GROWING PAIN? Who in their right mind says that cheating on someone is a “growing pain” in the bigger picture that is “our relationship” ??? This man, or boy I guess, dead ass looked me in the eyes and told me that this wasn’t a big deal and was a problem that could easily be resolved. I don’t think there was even an apology anywhere near the bullshit that came out of his mouth.

But I stayed… and it kept happening… over and over and over and over and oh yah OVER again.

Now yes, it is obviously my own fault for staying with someone who constantly cheated on me. Not a proud moment in life for me. But this man would do it time after time again, and always give me the same response when I confronted him. He would actually say to me that his cheating on me was no big deal because the affairs were just GROWING PAIN. Just kinks in the road that we needed to work out now at the beginning of our relationship so that we could build a future together. He told me that I needed to just accept that he was going to do this from time to time but oh no DONT WORRY it was totally okay because he saw a real future with me. He saw “forever” with me. I’m sorry but who continuously cheats on someone they see a future with? This guy would look at me and tell me how excited he was for our life together and then turn around go text some girl a picture of his dick. I literally caught him in the act one morning after I got up to go take a shower, like what??? But hey, he admitted to not being perfect. He used to tell me this is just who he is and he will try to be better and get this... TRY TO NOT CHEAT ON ME. I’m sorry sir but are you okay? You will try to not cheat? Is someone controlling your dick?


Ugh, anger.

He even once told me that if I didn’t like the situation he would rectify the problem. Aka if I didn’t like him cheating on me he would find a compromise. Like what? Is this a business agreement or a relationship? But the way he approached these fights so calmly, confused me. It messed with my brain guys!! He would be so relaxed in the way he spoke to me about him cheating on me that it actually made me think that maybe I was overreacting. Maybe it wasn’t a big deal that dozens of girls were receiving pictures of his penis. Maybe it wasn’t something that I was supposed to be upset about.

And I spent months with this mindset… I’m talking months of getting manipulated and cheated on and sitting there thinking that this was all okay. In fact, I EVEN ENDED UP APOLOGIZING FOR HIS CHEATING. That’s right, this dude messed with my head so bad that there were times that I ended up being the one to apologize for catching him in his cheating… please someone go back in time and just smack me.

This pattern was messing with me mentally. It was actually making me crazy. I will admit, it brought out of a side of me that I am beyond embarrassed by. Not only was I sitting by and consciously letting this happen, but I also started to turn into that insane girlfriend. I would go through his messages and his laptop because every time that I did THERE WERE NEW GIRLS. I’m not trying to justify my actions, I don’t believe in going through your partner’s things. Everyone should be allowed their privacy and in reality, I should have just walked away instead of stopping to that low of a level. But I found myself stuck in this toxic cycle. I would go through his things, find lovey dick pics or only fans girls or messages that belong in erotic novels, I would flip out, he would tell me that it was my fault for checking his phone in the first place, I would end up apologizing, and a week later we did the whole thing all over again. It got to the point where his friends were literally telling me to break up with him because they were concerned for me.

To say it was toxic is an understatement.

But I would still sit there and say to myself:
“I love this man and if he would just stop cheating on me we could have an amazing future together.”

HONEY HOLY SHIT!! If you ever catch yourself saying “if he would just stop cheating on me” FUCKING RUN. Like, get the hell out of there. Don’t even pack your things, just haul ass as far away as you can. Get out!!!!!

“If he stopped cheating on me” should never ever leave your mouth. Oh my god if I could slap some sense into past me I would. I mean I sit there explaining this story to people and it literally makes me sick to my stomach. Like yes, NOW I’m stronger. NOW I know better. NOW I see how messed up the situation was, but during that time, I stayed. I chose to stay with him, knowing everything that he was doing to me. And not only did I stay; but I was the one apologizing. I was the one who would feel like shit for going through his things and finding something because every time I did, he would sit there and say “once again you went through my things” or “why do you always have to look for a problem” or “there you go again finding something to make yourself upset”…

YEAH, BITCH I'M UPSET!! You just sent a girl a picture of your junk and told her that you were going to go do very overly friendly things to her before you come home to me… I’m sorry would you like me to have a Gatorade and power bar waiting for you after? Maybe give you a standing ovation when you walk through the door?

Okay, I need to end this blog because honestly, this is one story that could go on for pages and pages and pages. At the end of the day no I do not condone my actions. I am not proud of my snooping or the way I handled this relationship, but what I really want you to know is that it is never ever okay for someone to make you feel like it is your fault for their cheating. CHEATING IS NOT A GROWING PAIN OR A BUMP IN THE ROAD. It is cheating, it is hurting someone.


Fuck that, we don’t tolerate cheating!
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